The Ceremony of The Key

"and finally..."
says the Examinations Officer

(whom we all admire for his efficiency
and meticulous attention to detail)

"...I must give you the Special Key
which was given to me by my predecessor
and has been passed down
from one Examinations Officer to the next."

The new Examinations Officer appreciates
the significance of the moment
and asks respectfully

"What is special about The Key?"

The retiring Examinations Officer pauses for effect

"It opens any door in the Department!"

The new Examinations Officer is impressed.
The retiring Examinations Officer looks at his bunch of keys...

"Oh bother!
They all look the same.
I will have to go and try them out
to work out which is which."

MrsM realises that he has already handed over
The Mantle of Infallibility.

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Population Explosion

There have been so many new babies
in the Department this year
that my budget for celebration flowers
has been joyfully stretched to the limit.

1.
We know the date and wait for news.
The email arrives:
"I have a beautiful baby daughter..."

2.
They stare solemnly out of the photo,
little French twins, petit pois.

3.
She is swaddled and sleeping.
Her parents looked shocked with sleeplessness.

4.
He is a placid baby
and smiles slowly,
showing two pearly teeth,
when I bounce him on my knee.

5.
I shut the door and make her sit down.
She leans back in the chair beside my desk
and relaxes while I hold the baby.

6.
He leaves the office with Post-It notes
on his jumper
and on his nose
and on his little chubby fingers.

7.
She is very shy...
but she blows me a kiss...
much to the surprise of her father and mother.

8.
He is clutching a miniature Woolly Mammoth.
Not difficult to guess whose son he is.

9.
She is proud of her baby brother
but the lure of the swivel chair
is too distracting to maintain the image
of a responsible two year old Big Sister for long.

10.
Will this little boy,
hiding behind his father's legs,
be good with computers too?

11.
She is younger than me
but is already a grandmother.
I look at the photo of her tiny grand-daughter
and wonder what the future holds for me.

12.
Somewhere in Edinburgh
the newest little Geographer is asleep
on the edge of the world that awaits him.

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Graduation

Here they are:

the Head of Department,
the Examinations Officer and the Admissions Tutor,
the enthusiastic academic and the expert on woolly mammoths,
the youngest academic and the tiny American academic,
the Professor who shall remain nameless,
the academic who is going to be 41 quite soon,
and a score of other colleagues in their academic finery.

The sun shone, the champagne flowed,
the cameras flashed to capture the memories
and the parents of the graduands smiled and smiled.

And now...
let the summer begin.

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Lunch Hour

The view from where I sit.

You are welcome to join me
but you need to bring your own rug...
mine is only big enough for one

Please don't tell anyone where I am
because it has taken me two years
to find a place where I won't be disturbed.

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Madonna dell'Umiltà

Vitale da Bologna (~1309 - 1369)

The exam season is ended for another year...
well...not quite...
because the scripts must be packed away,
the minutes of the various meetings written,
marks delivered to the Examinations Office
and the results of the Finalists published.

But the hard work is done
and I can move on to other things.

The last task is to meet students who have failed.
There are all sorts of reasons why this might happen
and inevitably the meetings are distressing.
As we waited for the first student
I looked around at the other people in the room
and I knew that there could not be
a more conscientious and caring group of academics;
their only motivation to ensure
that the best outcome for each student is achieved.
It is not the sort of thing that is mentioned
in the prospectus or departmental reviews
but I wanted you to know about it.
Compassion is a rare thing.

*****

The academic who has just come back from Japan
had an unexpected trip to Italy this weekend.
He won't have time for looking at frescoes
but if he did he could see the work of Vitale da Bologna.

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Trouble at t'mill

The Examinations Officer looks shocked
and the Deputy Examinations Officer looks anxious.

The evidence is indisputable.

The Examinations Officer walks back to his office,
composing a steely email in his head
that he *might send to all academic staff.

Dear All,

This morning, it was discovered that the Examiners' biscuits had been taken without their consent. I am disappointed to report that the situation is even more serious than would appear at first sight because the chocolate biscuits have been taken from the second layer before the boring biscuits on the first layer have been finished. This is a very serious breach of discipline. It is unacceptable and must not be repeated.

While I have had no objection – so far – to colleagues using the Examiners' room, it is vital that you understand that the biscuits have been purchased for the sole use of the Examinations Officer and his Deputy.

I trust I will not have to write again about this matter.
Yours,
The Examinations Officer.

(*but, of course, he didn't send it...
Examinations are serious matters...
there must be no accusations of levity...
or the remotest suspicion of frivolity.)

MrsM hurries out to the shops and buys more chocolate biscuits .

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the world comes to me

The young academic who often visits China
has just returned from a trip to Iceland
when he drove to within 4km of Eyjafjallajokull.

He tells me of the extraordinary crackling sound
of the volcano exploding; twisters of volcanic dust;
a smell of sulphur that clings to everything;
the gigantic plume of smoke that fills half of the sky
and leaves the other half clear and blue.

He thinks that it is unlikely that
he will ever see anything as exciting again in his lifetime.
I make him promise to show me a photograph
and when he sounds surprised
I insist that I would really, truly love to see a photo.

"Well..." he says "if you are really, really sure
I will send you a photo whenever I go somewhere interesting."

"I'd like that a lot." I said.

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